Skegness: So bracing? Or so shit?

"It's terrible."
"Worst place in Britain!"
"I hate it!"
"I'm never coming back here again!"
"Who are you?"
These are just a handful of the many complaints made by recent visitors to Brighton. Most people in Blackpool were too stupid to comment. So where can you take a holiday in this great country? Cornwall? No. Great Yarmouth? Definitely not. Bournemouth? Only if you like cross-eyed people. At the end of the day you need to visit a place that's fun for all the family. A place that's bright, vibrant and so cheap that even brown people can visit. That's right ladies and gentlemen. I'm talking about Skegness!


This thriving resort on the East Coast of England is steeped in wondrous history. From Red Coats to peeping toms; and from Dune Stars to inbred chavs; this town has something for everyone. The kids driving you crazy? Dump them at Panda’s Palace. Grandad driving you crazy? Dump him at Wainfleet Care Home. Dad driving you crazy? Dump him at the local pub. Mum driving you crazy? Get back in the kitchen! This town really is the place to be this summer.

Hey kids. Do you like strange old men? Who doesn’t, am I right? Well what Coronation Street did for Blackpool, the Jolly Fisherman did for Skegness. Just look at his smiling face:

Now I know what you parents are thinking. He does look like a paedophile! But is that a bad thing? The Pope certainly doesn't think so. And who's going to argue with the Pope?

Hey dad. Are you bored? Hoping to have some fun? Do you like fat sweaty Yorkshire women? Well then come on down to Flirtz lap dancing club where it's your night every night. For just 10 pound sterling these women will disgust you in all manner of ways. The sign says, "Don't Touch" but believe me: You won't want to! Come and visit these questionable women. There's Mandy: Twelve kids and she's still popping them out. There's Amanda: Five pound extra and she'll spit in your mouth. And who could forget Susan: Tits like balloons but face like dog shit. Do your part to help these thirty-five year old women pay for college. 

Hungry? I know I am. Why not grab some fish and chips? Or a Chinese? You could even try our KFC who just scored 3/10 on their hygiene report. Good work guys. We knew you could do it! But if you like your food greasy and the person serving you retarded then your one-stop destination has to be our McDonalds. Watch Dave as he cooks your burgers. Watch Sarah as she screws up your order. Or watch Andy as he watches you back. Who needs the zoo when you've got McDonalds: Home of the birth defects!

So the next time you're planning your holiday why not choose Skegness. It just might be the best decision you ever make. A few hours drive and you'll be asking that famous Lincolnshire question: “What’s that smell?” 


Everybody is welcome in Skegness....even ginger people.


I'm James Senior and you've just being reading my pointless blog!